In The Aftermath

Earlier this week I posted a bible study that I put together on "Suicide and Judgment". Little did I know at that time that it was a prelude for something that I was going to have to deal with. Death is a fact of life, it is something that we all have to deal with from time to time. But when someone takes their own life, it's different. When that person is someone who sought you out specifically because they were contemplating suicide and they thought you could help them, it takes on even different meaning when it is still carried out. And the latter is what I have been dealing with over the last day or so.

In the aftermath, questions come up. How could I have let this person down? What could I have done differently? What did I not communicate to him? Why did he not see that he mattered? What is God trying to teach me? What is God trying to say to me? Is God trying to prepare me for something yet to come? Why was I chosen? What is my role in this?

In the aftermath, feelings come up. Hurt that I could not help him more. Heartbreak that this person felt that he had to this. A weird empty feeling that I had failed.

But then, I started to reflect on what WAS done and I realized some things. I realized that I helped introduce him to the church that I attend. I realized that I was able to get him connected to a wonderful counselor at my church. I realized that within the last few weeks he accepted Christ as his savior. I realized that I helped organize a support group for him. I realized that I got to know some people that I would not have known. I realized that I did reach out to a complete stranger in need. I realized that I listened to another persons problems instead of always concentrating on my own. I realized that I did seek help on his behalf. I realized that I had been praying for him and was able to get others to pray for him as well. I realized all of the steps that I have taken through the years to get to this point. I realized that it was not my job to be his savior.

After repeated attempts by several people over the last week or so, we got the fire and police department to break down a door in his house. He was found late in the day yesterday along with a note saying that he was sorry. It is just very sad and depressing.

Let people know that they matter to you. Let people know that they matter to God. If you know someone who is struggling, help them with their burden. Show your love and know that God has a plan. We may not always know what that plan is, but it is there, and we need to trust it.